he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
