My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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