Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize