They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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