you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
