the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
