nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
