So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
