need another drink. this is the easiest way
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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