He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
