I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
