So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
