I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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