do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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