I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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