Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
