I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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