Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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