How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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