when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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