My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
