I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize