dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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