Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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