Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
