Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
