so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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