I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
