If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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