Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
