if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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