you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
