I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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