Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
