Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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