mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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