we should wear snuggies to the strip club
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she told me i tasted like america
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
