Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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