i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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