sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
