My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
