If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
