Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
