If i come over, it means nothing
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
