god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
