Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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