Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
