I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
