Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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