He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
