I accidentally had phone sex last night
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
