so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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