I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
