how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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