I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
