I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
