Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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