i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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