Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes