Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser