hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?