dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.