HE'S GAY. AND 40.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science