she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach