I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
