Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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