The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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