So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
