This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
