Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We're too hungover to prance.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
